I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
