I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
