things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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