I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just high enough for therapy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
