I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
