Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
