There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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