your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
