I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize