My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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