you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
