wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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