I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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