so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
