yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
