i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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