And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
