its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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