i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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