Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
