I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
