Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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