He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
