have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize