Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
