Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just gargled with NyQuil
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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