Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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