Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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