yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm really into asian looking animals
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
