i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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