You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
