College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize