Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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