I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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