she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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