We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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