I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
