Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
