so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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