the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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