Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We had sex on a dog bed..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
