I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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