drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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