i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
