i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
