Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
