also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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