so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
