Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
