I must be too annoying 4 u.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
this hospital has no fireball
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
