so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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