i don't like sucking hair
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
