oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
