Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
