I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
