I wannas sexs uuuuu
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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