All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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