Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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