Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
