Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
