It's Friday. Sex?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
