All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
