Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
