I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
